Writing Non-sense: Can I go back?

There you go..
After million times I've not visited this blog, suddenly I miss to write. 

What should I write?
I don't know

What do I think then?
I'm... not clear, though

Sometimes, I think too much.... Sometimes, I feel too much....
Sometimes, I miss too much.... Sometimes, I hurt too much....
Sometimes, I am afraid too much.... Sometimes, I pretend too much.... 
Sometimes, I act to be okay too much.... and it feels so tired.

I forget how to get relax and enjoy my life
I keep being busy how to forget the bad things and take my own remedy to refresh my mind
I feel exhausted to expect and fantasize
I keep pretending to be strong in struggling and achieving more as the hope to be seen
Yet, good thing is never on me.

Heeeey....
it's always about I... and I... and I
Yeah, right!
because I don't know how to deal with the word you
because everything seems so wrong about me when it's next to you
because nothing related to me can't be righteous to you

Why should I blame you?
I... don't think so. 

I blame surrounded
I blame time and place
I blame fate
They form an ally of traitor between I and You

So, what the hell I do now? 
Seems like writing nonsense about I and You like a puberty adolescent...

Well, it might be true.. and I don't care though.
I've gone too far
I've forgotten the old good times
I've burned the happiest life
I've been left by everyone
and I've the last thought I can do...
the only best way to get sobbed and relieved in the same time, indeed writing.

Can I go back?
*backsound taylor swift - back to december* 
(I know it's not match with the heart of the song, but who cares?)

in the mood of writing non-sense

fatimahghaniem

Surabaya,18 June 2016 - 23:08

Black Hole

there is a day, when I know you for just only a mouthy-story

this mouthy-story gives me a blur portrayal, so I don't pay much attention

the following days, the mouthy-story transfers as a movie

that is the day when I see you as a complete representation of human being

it doesn't mean anything, since there is no word comes out between us

the next dimension times and places gives us a chance to say 'hello'

well, it seems like our first time we know each other names, and yes talk

the day when I start studying your personality as new friend

though, I forget how we undergo the calendar one by one

I surely know I don't really pay attention about you

as far as I can remember, subjecting you as a complete stranger of my life

I never know your intention, indeed

when your messages are coming continuously, with a bit weird question sometimes

but then, I thought it is only a kind of business you want me to do for you

well, being busy is worth me for not thinking how strange your approachment

In other way, it seems like I get a trouble dealing with my personality 

I feel so wrong whenever giving no to your question and invitation

I get the uncomfortability feeling which finally lead me to care about your presence

precious time gives so much probability of chances to work out

hey, none can handle when all dimensions become an ally, but the three alphabets, A-C-T

and how could I do when the A-C-T also chooses to merge to be their ally?

oh I do miss my busy times

the times when I cannot notice your peculiar act

because I am afraid it makes me fall... and throw me too deep 

into a black hole

guys, certain action is taken because there are some reasons behind it! >.<

@fatimahghaniem

16 Januari 2015

It is January

It is January... 

when the rain visits.. 

not too often, but not too rare.

It is January... 

when the cloud seems so dark..

not too often, but almost everyday.

It is January... 

when all human's story has just begun.. 

not too gloomy, but not too fabulous

It is January...

when the hope flies..

not so high, but not that low.

It is January...

when your day comes up..

not too precise, but not that random.

It is January...

when I miss you...

not smaller than everyday, but bigger than I can remember

It is January...

when I dream about you...

not in all my sleeps, but more often.

It is January...

when I always question your existence...

not that often, but a piece can hurt much.

It is January...

when you conquer me all day...

since it began, till the day moves to February.

It is January...

when you haunt me...

not to kill me, but make me suffer of dying.

It is January...

I don't know, how many January I have passed without you...

It is January...

I.. would never know when I can stop sobbing about you...

Yeah, it is January...

I... would never know when I can enjoy my life without you...

It is January...

when I wish I can get a life...

Hey January... 

when the dimension never meets us...

it is not about maps, I am just a faith believer. 

January...

don't bother to think the way out

it simply is God's hand.

@fatimahghaniem

15 Januari 2015

Gorgeous Loaded Wagons at Bangil

"Naik kereta api tut-tut-tut, siapa hendak turut.. ke Bandung, Surabaya. Bolehlah naik dengan percuma, ayo temanku lekas naik.. keretaku tak berhenti lama....."

I bet all Indonesian knows this song very well, if not.. you might either pass your kindergarten or maybe have an unfortunate childhood (let's refer it those who live with their gadget instead of playing traditional games with their fellas!). Well, in short way.. let me send you here for recalling your memory about that song!

This lovely song indeed reflect to one of favorite public transportation in Indonesia, train. As the impact of the necessity, I, my self, as a part of the society believe that train is the best solution to transport me from one city to another. Well, I never count how much I go with the train, but I am pretty sure I have traveled to some cities in Java with this transportation. I have gone to Banyuwangi, Surabaya, Jakarta, Jogja, Sidoarjo and not to mention Malang as the city where I am currently studying for my undergraduate education to be traveled to, from my lovely hometown, Bangil. It is no doubt for PT. KAI as the official company of the train to give those services since they have a long and remarkable railways around Indonesia up to 6.000 kilometers. Awesome, isn't it? 

Hey, why do I bother to talk about it so sudden? Today, I have planned to go back to Bangil from Malang at 12 p.m. So what? I know it is common, but today it is a bit different. It was 10 o'clock when I received a text from my cousin that her train was delayed for about 3 hours because of the flood at Porong stasion. Well, I felt like suddenly getting strike in my head (headache attacked) thinking I would probably reach my hometown longer than I have ever did. 

a floody railways at Porong. source : @infosda

Arriving Kotabaru Station, I could see a lot of people, well passengers are hopeless sitting in the floor with a tired face, waiting the train's coming. Without bothering them, I came to the front desk to check my ticket while a passenger struck me informing about the delayed train which made a crowded station on this desolate Tuesday. It seems so crazy when I checked my watch at 11.40 a.m. while hearing a security answer the question from passengers of the delayed express train (a local business train from Surabaya to Malang and vice versa) which is scheduled to arrive at Kotabaru station at 09.50 a.m., still has no updated information when it would arrive. OMG, this  is incredibly freaking me out if I were them; you have to wait something, you have not known when it comes. So, how about the economic one I would ride to?

KA Express struck the flood at Porong.
source @malangkereta

Yet, A happy news was coming 10 minutes later when the security allowed all passengers of Penataran which is scheduled at 12 p.m. (my train!) to go inside the station. It even came sharply at 12, and went so fast without no problem. I thought the tragedy of flood was ended, and I felt so grateful wishing for a normal scheduled of arriving at my hometown. I even checked my watch continuously to see whether it was precise or late during the journey. When the train was slowly decrease the speed after passing Sukorejo station, I did wonder why it was so and.. surprisingly true, it is stopped at Wonokerto station. I really did not understand why it should be there to wait other train for passing trough as a matter of long period stopping at the station, since it was so rare considering Bangil station is one step more as the right place for doing so. Some passengers were going out to get some fresh air or even leave the train to ride angkot because they have known already it would not work to just wait the train reaching their destination as fast as they expected. I am not a bigot of the trains but indeed I am fond of them, so I would not become the followers of those hurried passengers. Well, I appreciated myself to be turned as very patient passenger during 1,5 hours after waiting the train stop working at Wonokerto station when it finally went straight to my hometown at 3 p.m. 

live-twitpic information
source: @infosda

Arriving Bangil station, I jumped out from the train, well.. yes of course after it was stopped perfectly in the third railways, I thought. As far as my eyes could reach when dropping myself from the train, I cannot see a way out from the station but a bunch of wagons fill the railways. I have no choices to pass the trains one by one, go in-and-out from one to another for reaching the first railways to meet the exit way. Thus, I passed one economic penataran, one executive train.. I thought it had been the last one to jump in-and-out, but I found out one local business express train had ceased in the first railways at Bangil station!! Naturally, the business express train would never been stopped at Bangil station, therefore I have just shocked and been speechless! At the same times, I realized I have just dropped out from the train in the fourth railways, the fourth one! Amazing to see bunch of wagons are stopping there! wow.. this is the first time I see almost all of the railways of Bangil station was used and filled with the trains. 

live-twitpic information from @malangkereta

source : @malangkereta

Behind those amazing unexpected event, I wish for a betterment to fix it up the railways at Porong station will be soon done, and there is no more messy scheduled train like this. I pretty much know people love train so much regarding the prize which is affordable and enough to be paid for the beautiful journey together with the train! Thank you, PT. KAI..

not a bigot of train, but a fond :*

@fatimahghaniem

5 february 2014

My Shining November

Shining is not the exact word that I may use to draw the days I have spent for the whole november, but yeah... I do not deny to say my November quite run well. Almost perfect!

In the beginning, It was so happy adjudicating on Internatiol Relation Festival even I have done a shame action on the Grand Final round. Really I hate a political and economic issue if I do not know the news first! Unification of Korean Peninsula? really great motion, Peng! In the end it is fun, yeah.. getting money for sure - oopss!

Continuing to prepare SD Castle for the next week! Ow it should be a busy November not the shining one haha. Interesting closing events for all freshmen, I do glad to say good bye to SD Castle! Yeah, you know.. it was so hard working to prepare the events! Well, I may not only say about HARD WORK, but HEART WORK. Tension is there, I am quite enough learn how to deal with it. I hope so, it was a great learning even if I wish I do not want to face the "unique" personality anymore. :)

Jumping to the next week, the third one I have ESC! the most waiting events, the long preparation.. I do put a high effort for these! It is not only the sacrifacition to my major, not only my big promise to someone to bring this event to be better, but personally.. this is my betting, my evidentiary.. to me, to yaa.. some people who I want to know. It was driving me crazy when I ended up the events and I wanted to say it loudly "SEE? I CAN DO THAT! I HAVE DONE IT!"

No, no.. it is not the end of my November. I still have EJVED after ESC. It was so honour to have a chance to be one of the invited adjudicator of EJVED 2012. It was really great events also to my beloved FORMASI who championed the first and the third place. See how November bring me lots of happiness?

Well, it is only small surfaces of the Shining november I ever had. There is.. so many things which drive me crazier than this. Well, something more deeper rather than just having great events to do. Something that I can only save to me, to several people that is involved there. Something that you are grateful or even hateful enough to be spoken public.

Yeah, something which can make you brighter or even darker. Well, it was so crazy even to remember. Making me to write a garbage story which cannot fully understand the purpose in the end hahaha LOL

HEY SHINING NOVEMBER, thanks a lot! I love you with all of the troubles :*
So December, be cool and great for the last :D

(ghaniem 30/11/2012)

Last Moment Committee 24th FORIENT

Having a last period become the committee of a year event of FORMASI, was totally hectic and messy. Everything has been well-prepared indeedly for a month before! Yet, one day and few hours before the day, everything gonna be crumble-down! Our guest star suddenly cancel the agreement because of sickness, no car to carry lots of devotion, no camera to document the moment and hell-no! we also get the trouble about the food! This is totally messy condition! Yet, since we always got this condition, we could make a strong committee bonding and make it in the end!

We could serve almost 40 children for social devotion, our last event for 24th forient and give a happiness toward those innocent children. Happily, the children got lots of fun games and also mini learning which is trained by Wanita Tangguh - Nony Wahyuningtiyas and Athaya Febriantyo Purnomo - as the youngest doctor student. Lastly, we also have Buka Bersama Together with those children who live at hinterland of Boro Gragal village, Karangploso, Batu.

SODEV dan SOTR FORMASI 2012

Move to the next day, HRD create new inovasion event that is Sahur On the Road replacing their habitual event every month which just for fun and star of the month. We are all go to the junction of Alun-Alun kota malang and Pasar Besar, giving "Sahur" to people who sleep poorly in front of the shops. In the end, HRD launch the Star of Month which is championed by FEDS who got much achievement even realizing their vision to upgrade FEDS internationally. Yey, congratulation! Happy Ramadhan everyone!

Athaya as Representative of FEDS with Chairperson Kak Arum

Author's Note : Well, sound like my blog looks like FORMASI's, hahaha. No! It was mine! I just totally lost the way I write, and I get no inspiration to do. Yet, I do want to write something for my blog since I leave it for long time :P well, hope you like it then, reader :)

tons of love for everyone who read jejak-jejak tulisan saya :)

ah ya, this is my new tumblr, if you wanna see otherside of jejak tulisan saya.. http://fatimahghaniem.tumblr.com

(ghaniem 31/7/2012)

JOVED and ME, what's happened?

How's your fasting day guys? Hopefully you are keeping your fre-spirit to do it since Ramadhan always become a best month for us :)

I don't exactly know how to start my story, it seems like too long I leave my blog, so if you feel strange to read it or even realize how different the language I use, yes. that's true! I also feel it :)

This month is totally a busy month for me, but yeah.. worth it! Going on Purwokerto for JOVED XVI UNSOED, it really helps me to collect a great moment with my friends! 

LOGO JOVED 2012

Starting with the long journey which had made me freaking tired for half day sitting and sleeping on the bus, I still need to continue the day with an accreditation in the afternoon after we arrive and check-in at Hotel Horison. Yes, Adjudicator accreditation with my partner, Leiditya Naristi. 

Precious time for 6 Days at purwokerto, we debate, we adjudicate and indeed we play around! Even if Purwokerto seems like so calm and quiet, we do enjoy BEBEK dan SAMBAL IJO in front of Hotel Horison!! 

Connecting to the competition, we surely proud to have UB A (Kak Dungga, Ope, Queen) as Octofinal and UB B (Kak Arum, Fahri, and Adit) as Quarterfinal. Besides, Nadya also break as an adjudicator! 

So, how about me? I got B in the Initial Assessment, but in the end after 5 round of JOVED.. it decrease into C, hahaha. I know and realize how bad I am on 3-4 round assessment to my chair :p Yet, regardless the competition, honestly it was totally satisfying tabulation :)

Finally, in the end I also want to congratulate UB and FORMASI, as HOST Java Overland Inter-Varsities English Debate XVII at 2013! Welcome to Malang, Debaters!

LOGO JOVED 2013

Author's note : simply, because I miss the moments there! :)

(ghaniem - 31/07/2012)

Long Journey of MTD

            Since I have 2 days to spend for English Camp in Villa Primavera, Batu, honestly I think this year I would skip Malang Tempoe Doeloe after three years I have come there. Yet, the demand from the freshman help me not to make it. Having a remain pain after doing a lot of activities in the Villa, we go together in Jalan Ijen for only several hours then buying some Gulali, Kerupuk Petis, Es Gandul, and so on. Not too bad, but surely I see MTD is not quite as good as previous years ago. How come? I don't know exactly how to judge, whether the quality of the committee or not, but what I can guess.. is actually people get bored even become not interested again because of a bunch of human make long traffic and move slowly. Yet, for me also.. MTD always become one of the effective way to attract people even visitor from other city to remember and go back to the long journey of the history of Malang itself.

(ghaniem - 27/05/2012)

Drama Project

All those memories remind me to the greatest moment we ever made. Having a togetherness in the class is nothing without practicing the rest of the first semester to give the best performance of drama class. Not to mention the song of differences emerged the conflict. That's a common thing! Its complication lit the fire of diversity which trigger our motivation. We have those effort, desire and happiness that brought us not to be tired in shouting our identity. The judges and audiences could know how big our interest to give the best performance that is the reason why the Best Costume of Performance Class 2010 could be gained by us. That day, we believed achieving glory might be the thing that we wanted, but we also agreed that togetherness was irreplaceable. Somehow this present day is really different with the past, but that's not the point! On how the moment we had ever spent is always stayed in the part of my life.. having a good day!

(ghaniem - 29/04/2012)